I dunno. Strange as it seems to be, i am more at ease when i am alone. I breath better and i control my emotions better. Whenever i'm out with Dee or Dira, i can't help feeling like a 4-year old kid. I get totally emotional and of coz thinking. Who can i even blame in the first place when i myself disappeared for months and years? Right? Friendship don take overnight to be repaired.

And Seri, yeah of all people messaged me on my Friendster. I never hated her. It was just a miscommunication that got silly. If you had to choose between the love of your life and your best friend, no doubt you will always choose your love. And so i gave Amin up. He was a great friend. Basically a nice guy. Lotsa crap daily from his mouth. With him, i never had to sulk. With him around, i laughed silly daily. With him around, he was like a rubbish bin. Not just food wise, but i can 'throw' all my problems to him and he could always catch them without spilling it out. And YES, i have the right to be jealous of this girl. We share the same birthday but not the same kinda life. Her's is gonna be a perfect fairytale ending this year whereas mine will just be the semi-charmed kinda life. Where everything is just so-so.

But so shit happened like i have said over and over again. I have sought both sides forgiveness. So it's forgotten.....but who can forget that easily still? Hint: I can talk and be best friends again with anyone i want to.... =) Girls are such weirdos.

Yeah i admit i am still halfway broken. I have 11 more freaking months to mend this very much broken life. This is all according to Dee. She planned this out for me. I dunno. Maybe my emotions have gotten too much into my brain cells. I don wanna be the childish 4 year old kid now. But at this age, to still be jealous between friends is kinda absurd right? Haiz..that's me. When we go out, the 3 of us, i get pretty annoyed when Dee and Dira chats happily as if i'm invisible. And so whilst chatting on the phone with her the other night, i told her that one more time they both do this, and i'll definitely hail a cab and go home. Hahah...Yeah, i'm sucha bitch. It's VERY hard i tell you to be an angel when you're once known to be the most EVIL girl around. Ask everyone around and they'd say something either nasty or nice about me. I don mind coz i know where i stand.

Yesterday, today, i am VERY VERY peaceful. I am calm. Alhamdullillah. It hasn't been that easy as you all think alright? I console myself with words daily and compare myself with the luck of others too. Like those girls on TV. Like Jennifer Anniston. And so sometimes i conclude that, maybe i am just one of those girls who was just experimenting with life. Maybe i was never even attached. LOVE hasn't found me afterall. All that was there was purely a crush. And the list of daily consoling goes on....

You know, i am sucha freak. I tried so hard not to remember the past that i have basically 'lock' all my memory to the point where i now get severe migranes daily and i take any sorta painkillers especially those that makes you drowsy, just to so go to bed and sleep.

Haiz.....All i want now is to plan for the future. I can't wait for school in a way. It'd be like 1st day all over again. hahah...What's important is that once i get that cert, i'd wanna get a blardy good job. And let's hope with all those assessments, i'll forget pain in no time.

4th of April is so not far huh?? Gee...