Like who???

1)Jennifer Aniston

She can't seem to move on even tho her ex-husband is already dating Angelina Jolie, had kids and going to have twins...And i heard getting married as well. Seeing her on magazines cover is making my own heart break. I can't imagine that being me. It's sucha painful ordeal for her daily..especially when she's a star and having to see pics in tabloid mags...Guys are fucking cruel no doubt =(

2) Sophie Monk

They just announced their split of engagement a few days ago and Benji is already dating, of all people, Paris Hilton. Why is it that guys moves on faster?? Why?? And poor Sophie is losing tons of weight already....am i gonna be like that? So painful.....everyday is tears. I am already losing a bit of weight..maybe it's coz i don eat as much anymore or maybe coz i just barf everything out...When was the last time i pop some chocs in my mouth?? I think it was last year..

This morning i read on 3)Patsy Palmer. She is Liam Gallagher's ex-wife. He is already married to Nicole Appleton, 1/4 of All Saints. See, again the guys is the one married/dating some1 else first..the girl is always stranded. Gosh...i have a vague feeling i'm gonna turn into one of those!!! (selisih!!) Anyways, according to her, it took 3 1/2 years to make her forget all that pain and hurt from the divorce. She cried everyday...sobz...

Honestly, i cried this morning in the toilet at work place. I like hiding inside the toilet whenever i am scared/upset/alone. I feel like it's the safest place on Earth. I dunno why the tears today. Normally i am strong and able to forget easily. I guess, certain things are catching up. And i do pray to Him above daily asking him for guidance and strengths and also to point me to the right path and directions to life. Yes i am scared for the future. I am no longer young anymore. I am not freaking 20. Finding the right one is gonna be hard. I don wanna be left on the shelve. I want to be able to catch up with Dee. I wanna give birth and play with my own children. I have wrote down names for which i'm gonna call them.....And the list just goes on from there....

Please let me forget this....I hope friends can help me do this shit. Dee asked me to give myself a year. Yeah, a year is long...hopefully by then, my perception of things have changed. I will be 25 next year. More wiser. Hai..it also seems that the more i motivate myself, the more likely i get shaky. I dunno why i am back to rock bottom these days. I can only blame the lonely birthday this year. It feels like my 19th/20th birthday. I was all alone. Or is it coz of Dee again...Geesh..

Thank God, Allah is as kind as always. My mum's birthday is on the 12th. She asked to spend it with me. Alhamdullillah. At least there is still family...right?

What am i still moaning about? I dunno...and i really wanna get to school ASAP. I promise i will keep myself busy and in time, with so many new things around me, PAIN will no longer be in my heart and mind. Hai..if not i'll look for other schools.

I thank Liz for her concern...i thank Dee for heartwarming calls and SMS daily...I thank Dira for her love back, and i thank my family for their encouragements. And so today, i have succeeded in 1 thing. I no longer read nor see those pics. =)

It's been a while...and i should be so proud of myself. And i swear i don wish to see nor listen about the unnecessary anymore. Unless if one day, a twist takes a turn and ------- comes looking for me. I can't even write down the name, call names and mention the gender anymore. I dunno what i have become.

Haiz....a broken heart is the worst illness and catastrophe for one to ever face. You feel but you can't see the wound.