Things have been quite fine of recent. I have stopped thinking so much..hence it's good coz there isn't a need for me to be filled up with unecessary fucked up issues that is no longer my concern. I laughed at work yesterday giggling like the old times and i felt so light and comforted. I feel like it should have been this way all along.

After hearing what Mei-mei told me, i am more motivated to move on. Her friend was with this guy for fucking 7 years, got married for the next 2 years before he dumped her for another shrew!! How fucking sad right?? God, if i were in her place, i would have defintely be dead by now..i mean it!!!! And so 4 years have passed for her, and she's doing all fine by herself now. Gosh!!! I am freaking sure guys puts her off...If she can pick up her pieces of broken life back, why not me...right?? Right?? =)

Anyways, i am so happy for my dear bestie Dee!!! Fucking bitch is getting married next year in April!!! Oh...i'm so excited and well...a mixture of emotions basically. She's the luckier one...Me and her dated around the same timing..but her guy became wiser and they got engaged and planned for their future. However for my case, things got screwed awefully wrong. Well, i take it as a blessing in disguise. People who knows me well, would probably know that i am the sort who would laugh back over every little things and mistakes i have made. Maybe my 4 years was a mistake in the first place, but i just din realise it. I'll just take it as a learning experience.

Like i say, mine was like a bicycle ride. I don quite intend to look for one now. Let me indulge being by myself first. I gotta learn how to love myself before others you see. I haven been able to do so for a long time. I would slash my wrist and get suicidal daily. It's terrible having to battle depression AND suicidal thoughts every single day of your life. I am learning to cope like i have said...i have people who cares about me. Now when i look back the scars i made on my wrists, it's just painful..coz it'll just bring unwanted memories. Then again, people should live their lives they want to...if they wanna get fucking depress, then let them be. It's only so much you can do to help. But....right now, it's not working for me.

It's my off day today..a bloody boring Tuesday. Classes starts in April, then exams in September. Can i do this shit?? Seriously and honestly speaking, i am so proned to impulse decisons. I always done things without even thinking twice! Then after i actually face the problems, i give up. Oh please..not again. I don wanna give up...i wanna make something in life.

Yesterday, after the longest time, when i saw cute ang-moh kids at my shop, i realised that i still desire to have one to call my own someday. It'll be awesomely adorable to dress her/him in the cutest gears i can i find at baby shops. And mind you, i knit stuffs too..so it's gonna be a hell cute journey dressing my little ones in Converse, Fox, Topshop wearables. Oohh.....well Dira and me went to Fox on Saturday at Suntec after that fair thang, and when we saw the socks and all those cute baby wears, we were like, "Hey, we'll get this for Dee's kids aite??" Hehe..she'll definitely have kids first before us..I can totally imagine her kids running around in overalls and mini Converse...CUTENESS!!

And so i made up my mind, yet again. I am so ficke at times. Even when it comes to decision so clear cut like this. I will move on, definitely get married. Initially i planned to get married BY 26..but unfortunately shit happens, so maybe ill opt for 28. =) Hopefully...Insya allah..Then again, like what they always say, "Jodoh dekat tangan Tuhan...kalau dah ade, tak ke mane.."

If me and him are meant to be, somehow, someway or another, our paths will cross again. If my heart is still open, Allah will show me the right way and Allah will point to me the right directions. Seriously, if that day happens, and mistakes repeats, i dunno if i'll regret. Maybe i won't...coz at least in this life, i gotta be there at the place i have always wanted to be at in the first place. =)

Dad says i'm stronger now. I am glad. It means yet again i have forgotten. Well, this entry is going nowhere huh? I keep repeating in circles..about the 'forgottened'. I am still about 1/4 melancholy...so i guess that explains pretty much the whole entry here...

Gotta go now. Maybe i'll snooze a bit. I am very sleepy somehow today. Maybe the lack of sleep is finally catching up. Adios..