I don even have the mood to sing my own birthday song. Its my first time spending it alone after so many years. Last year was fucking awesome. Last year, right after the birthday ended, i was already anticipating to smile hard again for this year...and so it was proven wrong. See, never plan ahead of things. I dunno..maybe this year isn't just my year..no doubt it's the year of the Rat and all.

It's funny how i always plan ahead for others' birthday. The novelty giant cakes, the balloons and surprise stuffs, and even cool dream presents. However as i have noticed on my birthday each year, mine has always been the complete opposite of how i picture it in my plain mind.

In my mind, i'd be cutting a cool cute customised cake. Probably a ladybug or a cool cake with my funny face on it. Or wait....someone would be blind folding me and when they removed that stupid cloth, everyone i love would be there and scream "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" and start singing the birthday song. For which after, i will be laughing merrily, and holding hands with the imaginary boyfriend. And then as night passes, i will be sitting somewhere with him and opening all my presents and have a fucking good laugh.

Sadly this is never to be. It's all part of my dreams. Mere human dreams. I never managed to get what i want anyways. True, Dee got me something but it would always be so special to have your special friends celebrating it with you with a cool surprise for a start. Its always me you see planning months ahead for a loved ones birthday. Ordering the cake...then plan the whole blardy thing. Just so after that i could see them smile or maybe even get a hug. (used to be..from someone..) I'm not even complaining now you see..i love doing these shit. Just that sometimes, we as human beings, you can't help wishing for a little happiness especially when you are celebrating a birthday like mine for the first time like this.

Hai..............Long sigh isn't it? Liz dear asked me out but i declined her. I dunno...maybe partly because i have imagined and 'berangan' so much and only to my dismay it turned out like this, this year. I'm meeting Dira this Friday tho.

And so whilst at work today, i can't help looking at the phone hoping for more messages or something really surprising. I can't help picturing some friends coming to my work place suddenly and buying me a cake and asking me to blow it spontaneously. Duh...Being a human is oh-so-plain-sucky i tell you. Being me especially. Maybe i should just die for a wish. And hopes to be reincarnate as an animal. I doubt they think much and their loves seems less complicate than a human's life too that is.

Maybe i could be a cow and just graze on more grass each day. Or maybe even one of my cats. I don't think being 24 is sucha cool thing. Or be so proud of. It's just a year older and more better thinking. Like i said, humans sometimes can't help but wish for more all the time.

And so as the clock just striked midnight, i am now officially 24. No fucking dreams yet. It's all however in the plans. I will make them reality soon. I hope. And yes, my biggest wish is still to be getting married....to whom? Now it has become an unknown Prince.

Thanks for the wishes people. Appreciate them greatly and truly. However, this has got to be the worst birthday ever. When i got home just now, to my horror, my beloved guinea pigs were both found DEAD in their cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is God so unfair? Everything and everyone seems to be leaving me behind. And so now, again i am going to cope with pain. This sucks OK..

RIP my dear Sunshine and Sunlight. This is so unfair..how could you leave me on of all the days you had, my birthday is the one you have chosen to leave me alone. Still, i loved you. If not, why would i be bringing you carrots each night my dears??? =(

Sighz...