Put yourself in my shoe. What do you reckon you think it'd be like to be me for a day?

Fucking boring i tell you. Then again, maybe you'd find me pretty interesting. I find myself weirdly unbelieveable. And well, not forgetting these current heartbreak situation..

Anyways, what the heck? I met up with my beloved Dee on last Friday after work ended. She passed me my very much advanced birthday present. I'm touched. I don wanna put in the pic now coz i wanna put it together with Dira's prez. Hehe..It's my fave Emily Strange sweater!!!!! Unfortunately it's a size S..but oh well, it'd be a motivation for me to lose more weight =) Still i can jolly well fit into in now alright. Yupz, lost that fucking lot of weight.

Seriously now, nothing beats having the company of friends. I'd sell my soul to the Devil in trade for their eternal friendship. Ok, back to crap. We took the train and headed straight to our playground at Causeway Point. The point is, we just din stop talking one bit and most of the shit came from me...god..i'm becoming a crapper.

I ate at the normal food court, my fave chicken rice and even drank fruit juice. And it kinda relieve back our secondary times when we were kids. We used to eat there everyday, besides Taco Bell. And whenever i ate the chicken rice, i'm bound to take 4-5 lil bowl of chilli. It's awesome to be sweating deliriously enjoying your rice. And so, night came and we forgot all about cam-whoring. Dee even managed to drag me to That Craft shop at got herself a cool spidey ear stud. I mean it looks fucking cool but too freaky for me to wear it on the ear. It's equivalent to having a cockroach stud on my fucking ears!!! And so we both agreed that Frankie would pee his pants at the sight of her new stud..haha.."That's the point!!"..(god i'm freak!)

And most unfortunately, i felt very squeashy and bloated hence i decided to barf every single thing out later that night =(

I feel like i'm gonna hit rock bottom back these days. The same initial feelings are all coming back. Well, the good part is, the suicidal part hasn't come back yet so it's not so bad. Yeah Dee and Dira claims that i am not gonna go thru that path again. Seriously having to battle depression and suicidal thoughts was the hardest thing in life i ever had to do. Like i said earlier, everyday was tears and everyday was knife cuts..Haiz..i'm still sighing...and honestly pain is difficult.

Nonetheless there is always time for piccies:

Dee's pretty yucky new stud..a fucking spider..yucks right?

Rubba nosey anyone??

Rotate us people..

Don u think i'm just getting rounder by day?? Look at ma' cheeks!! I am fucking ugly..eew..

I had a blast. After work ended at 6 i rushed home to get my blades. Met up with Dira. This girl's a blade pro unlike me, a newbie. I arrived at her place close to 8 and my god, when i reached the court she had asked me to. There were kids as young as 5 i think all gliding around professionally OK..i felt like a pure dwit lor. So Dira and me settled for the idea of blading around somewhere secluded under the decks instead. Hehee..

You know, me and Dira knew each other since we were 11. I got transferred into the new school and basically everything was a blur. Soon we were inseparable BFFS. We even got into the same class in the same secondary school. But well shitty stuffs happens without us even realising. We separated even before the O's ended in 2000. Friendship got very sour and hell, it took me

8 years to patch things up again with her..and dats now. Sad right? It seems that i always have to learn things the hardest way ever available there is. Be it friendship, family wise, relationships etc. Everything i ever had to learn was hard. But i am glad and i am so thankful, that people are always there to welcome me back with open arms. No true friend would do that unless they love you so. Dira gave me this chance again and i'll make it work. I am adult now..i have no time for childish arguments and 'friend no friend' things. Dee gave me this chance too. Gosh..and there is always a reason why things happens, now i believe.

Seems now that, my world has suddenly evolve back around my 2 closest friends. I am not ready to meet other peeps except them. I am scared that when i am out, i'll bump into 'him', arm in arm with the new one. I swear i'd break down right there and have sudden mental breakdown. And so i am not ready. I stick very much close to the neighbourhood malls these days. Safer coz i won't have to bump into people i know. Singapore is small and you are sure to bump into someone familiar round every corner. I can't take that shock yet. Not now..give me a few more months..maybe even a year. Maybe by then i'll be ready...

Oh stupid Dee just told me the other night that she can't be celebrating my 25th (insya allah umur panjang ye??) next year..coz why? She's getting married in April!!!!!!!! I really can't believe she's settling down so fucking soon. It's only 10 years of friendship and my god..life is too fast forwarded for us suddenly at this age. Like me and Dira were talking about this yesterday and we can't quite believe it either. We are only 24..but at the same time, what have we achieved? Nothing so far yet. Haiz...that's why im now aiming for my license. At least with that i'll have something done and completed. Ya know when i'm alone, i ponder. It's true that i have friends who care and families who's there. But still deep down the inside i feel incomplete.I am sure you know why. I don even have to explain the details =)

Haiz...going out with the gals later. See it's with them yet again. I appreciate this ya know. I feel like i can only trust them for now. I am quite fragile..more fragile than you think i look. Even tho now i sport a red hair.

My blog here has no links some may wonder. It's just coz this place is now solely for me to pour my tots and nothing else. I am not here to be famous nor am i here to be pitied upon. I am here only for one reason....to pour out my problems and feel my burden lighten. I have said earlier in one of the post before, blogging helps me unbottle my most inner feelings. And that's good enough for me. What i feel matters most to me now.

Anyways, took some pics with dear Dira yesterday night.

I had fun....never so much in my life....Oh and by the way, i finally have gotten used to my nephew's giggle and cries. The face and his smell. Even tho at times he's pretty annoying. I find him like a caterpillar, always wriggling and seems to be munching things.

Yupz..i can hold him now....