I feel so fucking shitty back....

Breath ShaSha...breath.....for your sake, this time..

I have already signed up as a volunteer for HRSS. I am now just waiting for their calls..in case there are upcoming events for which i have to help organise. Sounds fun..in a way. And as i was flicking thru the Yahoo Singapore education pages yesterday night, i have decided on what to take up. It's gonna be a 1 year thang. I'll be busy enough..i am sure i will be..enough not to torture poor Miss Dee. I feel super bad that i have to drag her along in my life's mess. She looked like she was gonna burst too when she passed me my big box of garbage yesterday. And i have to keep telling myself not to break down. (in heart: Pls ShaSha..pls u can do this...)

After 1 year, we'll see how things go..i mean if it still doesn't get any better for me, i am so going to take up other courses again. Maybe head on with the Degree this time. Everyone i know does it these days eh..i am no freaking housewife yet, even though i had long dreamt of becoming one. It sucks that someone had to burst my dream bubbles with sucha harsh prick. No concscience at all. Haiz...shit happens..life is so fucking unfair.

I am so sleepy today..i haven slept in weeks..and i haven't eaten anything for weeks too. I am the last person on this Earth i ever expected to be bullimic/anorexic. I loved food so much back then. These days however, food just don't turns me on anymore..and even if i do swallow some down, it's mere force and it'll eventually come out back through the form of puking within minutes. Sigh..

Oh me and Dee headed down to Bugis yesterday and we bought Gerard Way's comic books. I am not one known to be for reading any forms of comic books for your information. I mean just because it's by Gerard, that's why and it sure doesn't help being a huge My Chemical Romance fan. Pathetic.

I never expected Gerard to take his interest to another level. Yeah he studied in Arts school and all..and he's in a huge band now..but i'm still surprised he decided to go on witht he idea still. Talking about him, Dee said i am exactly like him - Suicidal, depressed and hitting rock bottom. What the fuck?? Come to think again, errr i think yeah..it's kinda true in a way. The downs of life..Such asshole. And who's saved my life?? No one. Just me alone. I slashed my wrist so deep the other time (the scars still there and it's unberable to look at) and fuck, i'm still alive. So there, my time ain't up yet. So matter how much shit i am going to do, i'm still gonna be fucking alive and kicking. And i'm gonna be hearing shitty news and seeing so much shits in the future that i'm gonna brace myself for.

With that, i am gonna rest now. It's fucking break time and i am feeling so fucked up...